loz : laurie

I am many things; mostly appropriate, I believe. some of you know parts of me... some of you know much of me. very few of you know all of me.

you may find the many parts of me somewhere around here, if you want to take the time to look. good luck, hahaha.

oh... but let me know if you find my pieces, please... I always seem to be searching for myself ;).

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<< August 2004 >>
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Sex: adopt a form of birth control
empower yourself!

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1. are your nipples sexually sensitive?

2. have you ever had an orgasm from nipple stimulation only?

3. are you M or F?


#1: 71
#2: 30

response: no to #1 - 6

#1: 35
#2: 13

response: no to #1 - 17

gender-confused (4):
#1: maybe...
#2: uhhhh...

completely confused: 19

most original comment:
I am N. Ninja. I transcend such trivialities as gender.

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Purple Vibes

Your Energy is Purple. You are a visionary with unmatched intuition and spiritual consciousness. The mystical world and unexplainable forces fascinate you. There resides in you a true dignity and nobility, and others see you as a worthy leader and loyal friend. You are often very mature, with a deep understanding of human nature, and you will instinctively encourage and guide others toward their full potential.

You find it natural to express yourself aesthetically and artistically, you may be involved in the artistic professions, a religious organization, or in activities that have a degree of ceremony and ritual. You would make a good therapist, healer, psychic, or entrepreneur.

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Friday, August 20, 2004
a dreaming eternal

I had a dream. I met a man... a very special man. I said, "I'm completely crazy about your..." and he said "I'm wild about yours too."

we found there were other things we both liked. things we had in common. things we both liked to talk about. one day, though, a mean old monster came and snarled at us... scared us silent.

suddenly we were in another place - as if this was the same time only different, and we were together again. really together. we climbed, higher than we ever were & higher than we ever expected we'd be. and we talked again. we held hands. inspected each other's eyes for the truth of what was, and discovered the truth of what is. he said, "I hope you weren't..." and I replied quickly, "no, I wasn't, but I was afraid...". and he told me he was sorry, and I told him I was sorry too.

we kissed. we touched. we hugged. we whispered. suddenly we were grasping, greedy. desperately, furiously covering all the spaces and filling the holes at a party for two. one asked, "are you sure?" and the other answered, "oh yes." and so one discovered answers, yes and no, to questions long-unanswered; branded them into a retina with the touch of a light fingertip. the other discovered the taste of an old wonder and wished for more time to taste the rest until finished. there was a chance the police might get involved with the moon smiling so helpfully... but the shirts waved permission as they covered the underwear's eyes, and the breeze sauntered past unconcerned even while the darkness snickered its complicity. imagination was satisfied until it burst into life once more. a coat flew away with the evidence and the party ended, but even in the end there was born a new beginning.

and so we continued... we talked, we thought, we shared, we prodded each other to broader creativity. brightened eyes, swelling tissues, furious hearts, amazing new understandings. tidbits of knowledge kept imagination alive and working overtime to outdo one and another in the game, but even individual victory brought dual reward.

and then the game changed. he said, "my thoughts are the same. promise. it's difficult, but nothing has changed. promise. I'll be back with you soon. promise. give me a few days. promise. I feel the same. promise." and so I waited, game piece hovering uncertainly over unused spaces, wondering if I should roll the dice again before his return. passing time with inspection of past plays in an attempt to determine strategy.

somewhere, a dog barked. but even so, time went by and he wasn't there. everything changed. he never came back, certainly not soon. a few days followed one after the other after another into a bubbling, eternal meltdown of promising possibilities. I watched carefully so I wouldn't burn anything. the recipe card said 'simmer until done', but the finished picture wasn't attached and I never have been an overly confident cook.

now that I think about it I have to wonder when - or if - I woke up. maybe he really was just my dream. with all that promise, I had come to believe there were actually two dreamers in one dreamscape. now I'm not so sure... doubt brings fool(ish) wakefulness. perhaps this all just means I'm a rather successful dreamer. or possibly not, because it seems the dream has ended.

or has it?

either way, I must confess: I miss him even when I'm not dreaming.

babbled by loz - 02:47 am

August 7, 2008   04:06 PM PDT
oh wow beautiful
walking through your past (blogs) here
loving it :)

(why am I here? m's indirect doing really .. and your silence:)
August 20, 2004   01:43 PM PDT
ain't that just the truth, Nic? sometimes reality is less credible than the dream.

Lyly... thanks :).

August 20, 2004   10:29 AM PDT
Very nice. Love your wordz in paragraph 4. Lots to think about.
August 20, 2004   03:30 AM PDT
I have tried to keep that dream alive for 2 1/2 years and now find myself asking the same questions, wondeing how much is my dream vs reality and how much my lie to myself

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